The question I ask myself and other Transgender people ask too is will our spouse ever find our clothes that we are dressing in clothes of the opposite sex. Crossdressers even ask themselves that same question: “Will my spouse or partner find my clothes. The last thing we want is that our partners to think we are cheating on them when we are not. Things I will tell you in this article only relates to me. I am sure that some of you who are Transgender, or a Crossdresser can and will relate to what I am about to write. Your spouse or partner will be wondering about whether you are Transgender or a Crossdresser if they are reading this, but please do not start questioning them.

So, my story starts off like this, when I started dressing from the age of 13 util I finally understood who I was as a Transgender woman, 40 years later, I was hiding my clothes everywhere. My tag line and my TEDx Talk is and was “40 Years and Wandering No More”. I am going to start off in 1989 when I got married for the second time to a wonderful and beautiful woman. I had stopped crossdressing almost a year before getting married to her, thinking I had kicked the habit. I really thought at that time getting married I was done with this lifestyle of crossdressing. A year into my marriage I could not stand it anymore and I started dressing again with my wife’s clothes. Later as the weeks, months went by I started buying my own clothes again from the thrift shops. My big problem now was where in my apartment, and later in my home would I be hiding my clothes, which was a challenge.

When we lived in the apartment at first, I could only hide my clothes in the trunk of my car. In my home later that we were renting I had a couple of places as well in the trunk of my car. I was able to tuck them in a gym bag and place the bag all the way in the back-placing things in front. I also hide clothes in the spare tire area in the trunk. In our new home I found a place in the basement in the furnace area. Later my stash of clothes got to be so much I had obtained a medium to a large box. Later, with certain clothes I would hide clothes inside of my dark shirts, and suits on my side in our shared closet. I would even hide my panties in the pockets of my suits or barely worn pants as well. I know that was a gutsy move hiding then in the closet, but when you are obsessed in something you will do anything. I would even switch out summer and winter clothes and placed in the attic knowing she would not go up there. So, when I hide my women’s clothes, I always had to think and know where she would not go. There were a couple times my ex found my panties that I had washed and left them in the dryer. So, no matter what, I was always wondering and worried if she would find my clothes. My ex did question me about the panties, saying she felt I was still dressing. When she did question me, I always deny it. She knew I was not telling the truth, but I just kept saying I was not dressing anymore. The one thing she would always throw up in my face when she thought I was dressing was, “You would make an ugly woman”. All I can say to her is, “Look at me now baby”!

You can find my talk when you Google my name. You can email me at or visit my personal website at  In my next article I’ll talk about “Making A Difference is My Mission”. Until then Shoot for the Moon and even if You Miss, You’ll Be Among the STARS!

Author Profile

Karen Kendra Holmes
Karen Kendra Holmes
Karen Kendra Holmes works for the Federal Government as a Safety Officer. Besides her full- time job with the Federal Government she is a part-time radio host on WPFW 89.3 FM on the “Inside Out LGBTQ Show” on WPFW 89.3 FM. She also writes a column for Baltimore OUTloud under the column called “Trans Lives”. Karen received the Engendered Spirit Award from Capital Pride on June 7, 2018. She also was a TEDx Speaker with TEDx Asbury Park, NJ on May 19, 2018. In April 2017 she received the “2017 Monica Roberts Advocacy Award”. She was selected in January 2017 by LGBTQ Nation as one of the “Top 50 Successful Transgender Americans You Need to Know”. In May of 2015, she was honored in a special edition among 41 other women from around the world in The Platform Magazine, for up and inspiring females who have made a difference with their platform and inspired others with their positive values towards others. In April 2014 she received the “Willis Greene Community Service Award” and the “Unsung Hero Award-Team” by the Corporation for National & Community Service. In October 2013 she received “Soldier of the Year”, out of the country, by the State Guard Association of the United States out of 24 states and 23 thousand soldiers. In December 2012 she received “NCO Soldier of the Year” by the Maryland State Guard Association and The Maryland Defense Force. She was selected in August 2012 by The International Women’s Leadership Association, "A Woman of Outstanding Leadership in the Business Owner Division".

With the Maryland Defense Force under the Maryland National Guards she was a Staff Sergeant with Force Protection, the Chaplain’s Unit as a Chaplain’s Assistance, Honor Guard, and MWR. She has been doing volunteer work with the American Red Cross for the National Capital Region since 2009 on the Disaster Action Team. For several years, she has been volunteering with Community Emergency Response Team (CERTs) in Prince George's County, MD, and also with the Medical Reserve Corps. She sits on the board for the Retired Senior Volunteer Program (RSVP) in Prince George's County, MD. Karen also use to sit on the board for DC Metro PFLAG working with the Transgender Community. She is now the chapter president of the Transgender Veterans Support Group (TVSG) for Maryland. Before Karen’s transitioned, she previously volunteered with the Maryland National Capital Park and Planning Commission Park Police Prince George's County Division for 7 years, 5 of them as their President, and received several awards for her service, such as two Commander’s Awards and two Volunteer of the Year Awards. In December 2005 she received the Governor’s Crime Prevention Award for her outstanding work and leadership with Park Police Volunteer Association. She has her own side business called SafetyFirst DMV and is certified as an instructor through the National Safety Council (NSC). Karen believes whole heartedly in the importance of and Giving Back to her Community.