The last few months have been a wild ride. But, what is yet to come will make life seem as if it was short and null. In the last weeks, I’ve graduated and planned a move to across the country. I have scheduled an appointment consultation for top surgery, and hit my one year mark on hormones. However, in the next coming months, I will have had my name changed, moved across country, started a new school, and will have finally started a life for myself. Some have come to ask if I am fearful for what is to come. The answer to that is simple. Life comes with many ups – and with many challenges.

The most stressful part about this whole thing is money. And not for just school or surgery, but for everything combined. I will be having to pay out-of-state tuition for the first year. Now, that was not going to be a problem since I was covered by loans, but, I wasn’t aware that I was offered a parent-plus loan which deals with the credit of my parents. This loan would be giving me $26,000 next year. The downfall is that one of my parents would have to have good credit and both of my parents’ credit is shot. So now, I’m scrambling for $16,000 in scholarships or grants because of this.

It’s very frustrating because I’m moving across the country because I’m tired of being held back here, and now I’m being held back of education because of my parents. And, on top of that, I’m still trying to pay for surgery and find a new endocrinologist because my parents couldn’t do a simple task in which I was persistent in asking them to do for a year. Because of not doing that task, they asked for us not to see them for their practice anymore. Luckily, I’m moving in a month so I’d have to find a new one anyways, but just the feeling that the closest endocrinologist from here is at least two hours away makes me upset that I have to suffer the consequences of my parents. I can’t even go to this consultation by myself because, of course, I am still a minor for a month.

This whole situation made me realize that being trans in my age group must be one of the hardest things ever. Parents are basically forcing their kids to loan their lives away for the next 40 years, while society is forcing these social norms of what it mean to be a guy or girl or even a trans guy or trans girl (especially as mainstream as it is), and trying to pay for critical surgeries just so you can feel normal in your own skin. It just sucks. But there is hope. I am a strong believer of “You can do anything if you put your mind to it.” I will find a way to be happy with myself and to make money to pay for things. I will soon be 18 and able to leave. I won’t be held back much longer and that is what I need to focus on for right now. Staying positive and patient can be one of the hardest things for me but somewhere, I will seek refuge for it.