“Sexual orientation” vs “gender identity” vs “fetish”

Dear Andre, I’m a happily married bisexual woman in my late 40s and I consider myself to be very open-minded. My husband has always identified as heterosexual (while being very supportive of my bisexuality and my need for visibility), however recently he confided in me that he enjoys dressing up in women’s clothing. I have to claim ignorance here; he says it’s not an identity thing, but I’m inclined to believe that cross-dressing is a steppingstone to coming out as queer. Am I just experiencing wishful thinking here, wanting my husband to be a part of the LGBTQ community with […]

On Your Terms

Dear Andre,  I’m a trans femme punk girl in her mid-twenties and I desperately need some advice. I came out as trans at home when I was 17 and my parents promptly kicked me out of the house. After being homeless for over a year I finally found work, a room to rent, and the beginnings of stability. Along the way I had the benefit of forming a close platonic relationship with an older trans woman who basically acted as my surrogate mom and definitely saved my life on more than one occasion. She’s an elder in the community and […]

Exploring New Territory

Image credit: The Pacific Center Dear Andre, I’m a queer non-binary person in my early 30s, and I was recently approached by a woman in her early 20s who’s interested in pursuing a relationship with me. Despite the age difference she seems mature and level headed, and I’m totally attracted to her. However, she’s completely new to her queer identity, and I would be the first non-cis male she’s slept with. I’ve actually never “taken someone’s virginity” (ick), and I know that’s not exactly what’s happening here, but I do feel personally invested in making sure she’s okay. How do […]

The Joy of Pole Dancing

Image Credit: San Francisco Pole and Dance Dear Andre, I’m a trans woman in my early 40s and I’m dating the guy of my dreams. The sexual chemistry is out of control, and recently he told me that he’d been fantasizing about me giving him a lapdance before we fell into bed. I’m definitely not opposed to the idea, but I’ve never given anyone a sexy dance before and I have no idea where to start! Help! Sincerely, Patricia L.   Dear Patricia, You came to the right girl! I’ve been stripping professionally (and privately!) for the better part of […]

Scissoring: Afraid to Ask?

Dear Andre, I’m hoping you’ll settle a debate between my girlfriend and me. She’s been trying to sell me on “scissoring,” but I’ve only ever heard guys talk about it and I’m convinced this isn’t a real thing that authentically queer women do. What’s the deal? Sincerely, Alyson B.   Alyson, Not only is scissoring a real thing, but way more queer women engage in it than you’d initially think! In 2015, the progressively feminist web blog Autostraddle conducted an Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey (open to all women who sleep with women), and a whopping 40.7% of the 8,556 women […]

Infatuated But Sexually at Odds

Dear Andre, I’m a gay guy in my early 20s and I’m super infatuated with my new boyfriend. The only issue is, he’s not into giving blowjobs. Receiving oral sex has always been a massive turn-on for me; I’ve never had a relationship without it. So far, I’ve been just fine giving him blowjobs without them being reciprocated, but some of my friends are telling me to dump him. They’re convinced that in 2019 there’s no excuse to not be giving equal time and pleasure to your partner. What do you think? Is my boyfriend being unreasonable, or is his […]

Avuncular Secrets

Dear Andre, This isn’t really a love or relationship question, but I’m still hoping you can help me out. I’m 26 years old and a lesbian, and recently one of my uncles passed away unexpectedly. The two of us always had a strong bond, and he felt more like a best friend than family. I’m absolutely devastated. About a week ago my mother asked if I would go to his apartment with her and help organize his belongings. While doing so, I stumbled on a shoe box under his bed that was filled to the brim with explicit gay male […]

Love Triangle

Photo credit: Aaron A. Alvarez Dear Andre, I’m a young bisexual monogamish girl and I live with an ex-boyfriend who is also monogamish and bisexual. We’ll call him “Matt.” Matt and I are wonderful friends, and have a comfortable, amicable living situation. Here’s the problem: For the past six months, Matt and I have both been dating the same guy. We’ll call this guy “Jesse.” Jesse recently decided to end things with the two of us, and Matt is way more upset about his break-up with Jesse than I am. I’m trying to be supportive of his grief but I’m […]

Interracial Agonistes

Dear Andre, I’m a white gay man in his early 20s and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over six months. My boyfriend is African-American, and he’s the first person of color I’ve gotten serious with. I never really gave that much thought until very recently. My boyfriend has been full of hurt and rage over what’s happening in our country, and it’s been impacting our interactions with each other. I don’t blame him one bit, but I’m concerned for the future of our relationship. Is it my place to console him? How can I best support him? […]

When Sex is a Blood Sport

Illustration by Laurene Boglio. Dear Andre, I’m a queer woman in my early 30s, and I’m in an amazing relationship with a woman in her early 40s. She’s kind, career-driven, funny, and hands down the hottest person I’ve ever been with – I can’t keep my hands off of her! There’s just one small issue: She refuses to be intimate with me when she’s menstruating. I think it has a lot to do with her past partners, because she only came out of the closet two years ago and has told me that at least one ex-boyfriend told her that […]