Scissoring: Afraid to Ask?

Dear Andre, I’m hoping you’ll settle a debate between my girlfriend and me. She’s been trying to sell me on “scissoring,” but I’ve only ever heard guys talk about it and I’m convinced this isn’t a real thing that authentically queer women do. What’s the deal? Sincerely, Alyson B.   Alyson, Not only is scissoring a real thing, but way more queer women engage in it than you’d initially think! In 2015, the progressively feminist web blog Autostraddle conducted an Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey (open to all women who sleep with women), and a whopping 40.7% of the 8,556 women […]

Infatuated But Sexually at Odds

Dear Andre, I’m a gay guy in my early 20s and I’m super infatuated with my new boyfriend. The only issue is, he’s not into giving blowjobs. Receiving oral sex has always been a massive turn-on for me; I’ve never had a relationship without it. So far, I’ve been just fine giving him blowjobs without them being reciprocated, but some of my friends are telling me to dump him. They’re convinced that in 2019 there’s no excuse to not be giving equal time and pleasure to your partner. What do you think? Is my boyfriend being unreasonable, or is his […]

Avuncular Secrets

Dear Andre, This isn’t really a love or relationship question, but I’m still hoping you can help me out. I’m 26 years old and a lesbian, and recently one of my uncles passed away unexpectedly. The two of us always had a strong bond, and he felt more like a best friend than family. I’m absolutely devastated. About a week ago my mother asked if I would go to his apartment with her and help organize his belongings. While doing so, I stumbled on a shoe box under his bed that was filled to the brim with explicit gay male […]

Love Triangle

Photo credit: Aaron A. Alvarez Dear Andre, I’m a young bisexual monogamish girl and I live with an ex-boyfriend who is also monogamish and bisexual. We’ll call him “Matt.” Matt and I are wonderful friends, and have a comfortable, amicable living situation. Here’s the problem: For the past six months, Matt and I have both been dating the same guy. We’ll call this guy “Jesse.” Jesse recently decided to end things with the two of us, and Matt is way more upset about his break-up with Jesse than I am. I’m trying to be supportive of his grief but I’m […]

Interracial Agonistes

Dear Andre, I’m a white gay man in his early 20s and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over six months. My boyfriend is African-American, and he’s the first person of color I’ve gotten serious with. I never really gave that much thought until very recently. My boyfriend has been full of hurt and rage over what’s happening in our country, and it’s been impacting our interactions with each other. I don’t blame him one bit, but I’m concerned for the future of our relationship. Is it my place to console him? How can I best support him? […]

When Sex is a Blood Sport

Illustration by Laurene Boglio. Dear Andre, I’m a queer woman in my early 30s, and I’m in an amazing relationship with a woman in her early 40s. She’s kind, career-driven, funny, and hands down the hottest person I’ve ever been with – I can’t keep my hands off of her! There’s just one small issue: She refuses to be intimate with me when she’s menstruating. I think it has a lot to do with her past partners, because she only came out of the closet two years ago and has told me that at least one ex-boyfriend told her that […]

Dating in the BDSM World

Dear Andre, I’m a trans man in my early twenties and I’m entering into my first D/S (Dominant/Submissive) relationship with a femme top. I’m very new to the BDSM scene and met this woman through an online group that connects local kinky queers to each other. While I’m thrilled to find someone with like interests, my gut instinct is saying that something’s off. Only a few days after meeting online she was instructing me on what I should wear and eat, then ordering me to send her photos to verify I was “following rules”. A few hours after meeting for […]

A Dog in the Bed is Worth…

Dear Andre, I’m a woman in my late 20s and I’ve been dating a new partner for a few months now. Everything is going great, except for one small issue: She refuses to kick her dog out of bed when we have sex. I love animals and have several cats myself, but I like to think that I have healthy boundaries when it comes to their proximity to me when I’m either masturbating or having partnered sex. Snuggling in bed is fine, but as soon as things get sexy, they get delegated to the floor. If they’re quiet and unobtrusive, […]

A Groping Brother-in-Law

Dear Andre, I’m an openly gay man in my late 20s, and I’m blessed with a very supportive immediate family that includes my parents, grandparents, and older sister. My sister has been married to her husband for close to two years, and they have a ten-month-old son together. Recently I went home to celebrate Thanksgiving with everyone, and towards the end of the night I found myself alone in the kitchen cleaning up. My sister’s husband – who had been drinking heavily throughout the day – entered the kitchen and began chatting with me. Suddenly he came up behind me […]

Juggling Polyamory

Dear Andre,   I’ve been practicing ethical non-monogamy for several years and am in committed, loving relationships with three partners. Recently, two of my partners have approached me – independent of one another – to express feeling neglected. They have concerns about how I manage my time and told me that their time with me often feels either rushed or obligatory, which certainly isn’t my intention. They also want me to work on how and when I communicate my availability to them. How can I successfully delegate time to all of my partners in a way that makes them feel […]