While another is in me, I can only think about my lover. Physically another man is screwing me but mentally it’s my lover’s face I see. It’s my lover’s body I feel, but yet my legs are up in the air and another man’s sweat is dripping on me.

Ok my mouth is completely open at this point. I sat here listing to my friend telling me about one of his many experiences he’s had. Yes, he was stepping out on his lover. The part I don’t get is why would he step out on him again and again especially during periods of infidelity when it’s his lover he’s thinking about?

Would you call that love, is what he asked me? Personally, I don’t. However, at the same time I’m confused.

First, my initial instinct is to say that if you love him you wouldn’t cheat on him. I know relationships aren’t perfect and most of us have issues to work through in that department. For me, when it comes to the point of cheating on your partner, it’s usually something you want that he’s not giving you or something that you want and to afraid to ask for. There’s a lack of communication somewhere and maybe he’s not aware of it. So, before you go wanting to another, sit down and talk to each other, especially if you LOVE him, don’t you at least owe each other that?

Second, this is where I’m completely confused. I would say that if you’re screwing someone else and all you can think about is your man while being screwed, then I would say in some weird way that you’re still in-love with him. And if you’re still in-love with him, why would you continue to step out? Shouldn’t the first time that it happened and the only thing on my mind was I wish my man were between my legs right about now, that should have clued you into something. I would have jumped up out of the bed, grabbed my clothes and high-tailed it to my man and worked whatever it is out.

So, while another man is screwing you and the whole time you’re thinking about your partner, is that something you would call LOVE?

I wrote this article months ago, but never published it. I guess I just needed time to really think about how I really feel. I mean truly answer it and not just some off the cuff answer that you give to your friends over a bowl of edamame. I have been a relationship for over two years now. More like 20 years in the gay community, LOL… As I thought about this question, I had sort of a revelation and I decided that sex is sex, and love is so much more. What I mean by that is I can have sex with anyone but I can only make love to my partner. For me sex is so overrated. Don’t get me wrong it’s good in every since of the word, but honestly I was a virgin until I was 19 years old, all those years of pent up sexual desire, I was expecting a lot more. So with sex being sex, if I were to cheat on my lover, you can believe I wouldn’t be envisioning him between my legs while another man is running up in me. I wouldn’t think of him because I’m having sex and not making love. Love is an emotional connection that makes sex so much more. Those of you in love know what I’m talking about. Sex is something that’s good not great. You know leave your money on the dresser and never call me again type of sex. So when my legs are up in the air, trust me my man is always there.

Author Profile

Mark S. King
Mark S. King
Mark S. King is a GLAAD Award winner who has been writing and speaking about living with HIV since testing positive in 1985. His blog, My Fabulous Disease, chronicles his life as a gay man and recovering addict living with HIV. King was named "LGBTQ Journalist of the Year" by the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association. He attributes his remarkable longevity with the virus to working in partnership with his doctor, the love of a good man, and double chocolate brownies made from scratch.

Photo credit: Matt Roth

Mark S. King

2020 LGBTQ Journalist of the Year (NLGJA)
2020 GLAAD Award for Outstanding Blog
2020 #OUT100 (OUT Magazine)