Should Your Partner Be Aware of Your Sexual Past?
OK, before I begin there are few things that I need to explain about me and the way I see things. For some strange reason, I look at relationships as if they’re fairytales. Yes, I know this is very dangerous and very, very naïve of me. I‘ve told myself this plenty of times. No relationship has a fairytale ending. Sure there are some couples that seem to fit perfectly together, but I bet if you were to take a deeper look, you‘d find that they have worked hard and diligently on their relationship. Something I believe must happen in order for a relationship to last. There are always ups and downs along the way. You just have to hope and pray that your partner can handle the ride.
The second thing to note about myself is that I’m an avid voyeur. Yes, I love to watch and hear. Some of us are exhibitionist. However fortunate or unfortunate that may be on my part, that’s something I don’t think I can bring myself to do. You see how I phrase that (I don’t think). I phrased it that way because no one is 100% sure of what they would or wouldn’t do, so for myself I always leave the door open for that possibility, whatever it may be.
Life is a journey of self-discovery. How will you know who you truly are unless you open your mind to every possibility? Now I’m not saying that you should do a complete 180, just try to see things from a different point of view sometimes. I do have regrets in my life, but hopefully by the time I’m dead and gone, I won’t have any. Be it sexual or otherwise; I don’t won’t to have any regrets at all when that time comes.
So let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. Speaking as a gay man we all have a sexual past, unless you’re a virgin. When entering into a relationship rules of what’s allowed and not allowed are often laid out, and you both start with a clean slate. However clean the slate maybe your sexual past is always there.
Ex-boyfriends, f**k buddies and random pieces have all lain down with your man and he’s done the same thing to them that he’s doing to you now. There also may have been things that he’s done to them that he can’t bring himself to do with you.
Let’s say group sex (3-somes or more), golden showers, spitting, swallowing, nutting on your face, etc… depending on the sexual act, I’ll let your particular sexual preference determine which is good or bad. Who am I to judge? I just told you that I love to watch.
The question still lingers do you or your partner need to know about the sexual activities that the two of you have engaged in prior to your relationship? As far as I’m concerned I can care less what’s in his sexual past. The reason I say this is that it all happened before I knew who he was. It had nothing to do with me, just like my sexual past had nothing to do with him. What we do from here on out is what matters.
Some of you might say I want to know, but before you inquire about his sexual past, make sure you can handle it. You might not like what you’re about to hear and this may affect the way you see and respond to him. Also, it leaves you open to discuss your past endeavors. Never ask a question that you’re not willing to answer yourself. Hell, he may not like what’s in your past. So you see this topic can easily go from getting to know your partner better, to ending a once budding relationship all because someone wanted to know who and how you f**ked in the past.
Mark S. King is a GLAAD Award winner who has been writing and speaking about living with HIV since testing positive in 1985. His blog, My Fabulous Disease, chronicles his life as a gay man and recovering addict living with HIV. King was named "LGBTQ Journalist of the Year" by the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association. He attributes his remarkable longevity with the virus to working in partnership with his doctor, the love of a good man, and double chocolate brownies made from scratch.
Photo credit: Matt Roth
Mark S. King
2020 LGBTQ Journalist of the Year (NLGJA)
2020 GLAAD Award for Outstanding Blog
2020 #OUT100 (OUT Magazine)