According to “Dear Abby”, Love doesn’t hurt. Real love is supposed to make you feel better! How many of you can say that this is true in your case? I hear people telling me that in a relationship, you have to work at it. Why? I don’t understand the concept of working at it. If love is unconditional, then what is there to work at? Is it the compatibility? Is it the forgiveness? Is it the opening of the mind and heart because we are now dealing with another person and his/hers feelings and interests and habits and everything that else that comes into that relationship? Love is supposed to make you feel better. Coming home from a hard day and being irritable
and taking it out on your spouse/partner is NOT what you are supposed to do.. YOU are supposed to be more aware of who you are and your surroundings that you do not display this type of displaced/misplaced aggressions. It’s like the old saying, you have a bad day and come home and yell at the wife, who then yells at the kids, who then kick the dog. WRONG!!! This is a cycle that must be broken. It is unwarranted and mostly, unhealthy in a relationship. That hurts when you are taken for granted, or mistreated because “you” had a bad day at the office. The key to any relationship
on any level, whether it is friend or lover, is to be aware of your surroundings and your own emotions. As I have stated, my philosophy is: Life is a matter of attitude, discipline and preservation of innocence. Attitude as to how we perceive the world, discipline as how we choose to react to the world and most important of all, Preservation of innocence; that we never loose that innocence and always take time to “smell the roses” or that we simply do not take things or people for granted.
Revel in the beauty of the world. If you drift a part in your relationship, ask yourself why? Think of why you first got into the relationship. Life should always be an adventure, yes there are going to be bad times, but don’t take them out on the person you are supposed to be in love with. That is nothing more than exercising a perverse need for control because YOU don’t have control in other aspects of your life. Be aware! Because you might have been in a bad situation in the past be it a former partner or even how you were treated by a parent, your partner is NOT that person. Make that distinction. Talk to each other, again, communicate! Your partner should also help you to take down those walls you put up. AND once again, have open communication. You should never feel ashamed to talk
to your other half and your other half should never judge you and vice versa. AND most importantly, NEVER use a person’s vulnerabilities or weaknesses as a weapon against them. Because then, YOU are the problem and doing the hurting. I say to those that do this; Shame on you!
Remember, love is always the answer, saying “I’m sorry!” is important should you have said unkind words. IT isn’t a matter of pride, which is wrong, by the way, IT is a matter of being in love. Love is not supposed to hurt. IT might sound flattering telling someone that you love them so much it hurts! BUT that is not healthy!
- Gary Schwartz is a composer, musician, counselor, writer, performer. Double majored in Behavioral Psychology and Music Composition. Worked as counselor through Whitman Walker Clinic, Gay Men's Counseling Collective, Hospice of Frederick County, Montgomery County Health Department and Frederick County Department of Social Services as Adult Foster Care. Gary currently teaches private piano, voice and composition and just finished his 19th year performing at MDRF!