Love knows no gender; love knows no age. Many gay couples are in intergenerational relationships – so how do they handle the differences in their bodies that naturally come with age? How do they work with the diminished desire that comes with decreased circulating testosterone in the older partner? Certain adjustments might have to be made between the generations, but the extra work you put in will be worth it!
Contrary to popular perception, sexual performance does not decline with age, but there is a certain tradeoff. Younger men get harder faster but trade endurance and finesse for speed; older men may need a little extra assistance getting it up at first, but once they achieve a nice, firm erection, they can go for a longer period of time. As the old joke goes, “It takes all night to do what they used to do all night long.” With age also comes experience – the old dogs already know all the good tricks!
You may have noticed that you and your partner have different levels of sexual desire. Don’t worry – this is not a sign that something is fundamentally wrong with your relationship. In fact, it is very common for one person in a relationship to have more sex drive than the other, even before throwing an age difference into the mix. On average, young men have higher levels of desire than older men and find themselves in the mood more often. The best approach is to talk openly and candidly about your needs and about the discrepancies in your libidos. The keys to ensuring that you both feel sexually fulfilled are mutual respect, an understanding of each partner’s needs, and having the discipline to satisfy those needs.
What does this mean in practical terms? Many older men can get an erection only from the vacuum effect of oral sex and the psychological aspects associated with that act. They may also need a little help from a “magic blue pill” (Viagra, Cialis, and similar drugs). Since the aging body tires more easily, the older partner might need to change positions or pause briefly for a rest during sex. It might also help to try positions where the younger partner is on top.
The most important thing to remember in any relationship, whether same sex or opposite sex, intergenerational or same age, is that the greatest aphrodisiac is love. Be gentle and kind to one another. Do unto your partner what you would have your partner do to you. Be open and giving and positive in your relationship. Let the small stuff slide. Focus on building a relationship of mutual respect and love. If two people care enough about satisfying each other’s needs, they can overcome any sexual issues caused by a difference in age.
Dudley S. Danoff, MD, FACS, is a Diplomate of the American Board of Urology and Fellow of the American College of Surgeons. He graduated from Princeton University summa cum laude, Phi Beta Kappa, and from the Yale University School of Medicine. Dr. Danoff completed his urologic training and fellowship at Columbia University Presbyterian Medical Center. He served as a major in the U.S. Air Force, after which he joined the Clinical Faculty at the UCLA School of Medicine. He is currently the attending urologic surgeon and founder/president of the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center Tower Urology Group. Dr. Danoff and his wife, Israeli singer Hedva Amrani, live in Beverly Hills and have two children.
Years ago, he developed a keen interest in erectile dysfunction based on his disturbing observation that an increasing number of men were suffering from what he calls “penis weakness,” or PW. He noted that there was very little discussion within the urologic community about the significance of this problem in male genital health.
As he looked deeper into this major issue, he realized that the stigma surrounding erectile dysfunction and other penis problems was a force that had been plaguing not only men in modern times but also probably men throughout all of history. He began to speak out and write about the principal characteristics of this alarming pandemic and discovered a deep reality about men and their relationships to their penises: the vast majority of males were severely undereducated about their penises, from its physical function to its effects on their psyche. And for too many years, men who have suffered from self-doubt and anxiety caused by PW have done so without any guidance from the medical community—especially not from the professional urologic community.
Coming to the realization that something needed to be done, he set out to write what he hoped would be the all-inclusive guide to the major factors affecting male sexual health. His aim is to replace ignorance and mythology with factual information and to replace self-doubt with confidence. His goal is to help every man realize and achieve the sex life he desires.
As a busy urologic surgeon in Los Angeles, California, he has seen more than 200,000 penises in his professional lifetime. While each is unique, just as hands and feet are unique, they are also remarkably alike anatomically. However, there is enormous variation in how they function in their sexual capacities. He has observed that these differences in functionality and capacity have very little to do with the anatomy of a particular penis or even with a man’s size, looks, level of success, wealth, or status.
Mainly, functionality and performance is about how men perceive their own penises. In addition to understanding its biological functions, every man must learn that his penis is an organ of expression. What gives it its power is much more than the condition of its blood vessels and nerves.
The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health advocates a transformative concept based on positive thinking. Applying the power of positive thought to your penis can change your entire life.