Together or Separate

“Together or Separate,” is the question I get when I go out to eat with my wife. Before I came out waiters always just gave me the check. Many times, my wife paid and even when she gave them her credit card, they would still always hand it back to me. It seemed like it was an unwritten rule. The guy always gets the bill. However, since I’ve transitioned, we get the phrase, “Is that together or separate?” I think it’s one of the things that annoys my wife the most. I mean how do lesbian or gay couples feel […]

Alanah Nichole: Looking Left and Right at The Intersections

As a toddler, both non-disabled and disabled folks learn to cross the street. Our guardians implore a core lesson in looking both ways at intersections whether we are using our legs, canes, or wheels. If afforded the privilege, many of us pursue getting our driver’s license sometime in our adolescence. Before we ever hit the road we do donuts in parking lots and practice parking in between cones as not to hit the real cars when we get on the road in our hand-me-down clunker cars. We all keep that core lesson to look both ways at intersections in our […]

They Finally See US !

“WE HAVE RIGHTS!” My world exploded this morning. The three much-anticipated Supreme Court decisions have been rendered. The court held that Title VII protects gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people even if they were not in the mind of those who wrote the law. It was a six to three decision from a conservative Supreme Court. This is a watershed moment in the LGBT history. Not only because of this decision but because it has such broad reaching implications to our community. They finally see us! The Supreme Court heard arguments in three cases to determine if people can discriminate […]

Hope Rising

I know this is a scary time.  It’s scary because of the pandemic; the civil unrest; our rights being rolled back; and we’re waiting on SCOTUS. And yet something tells me this is the year things change – for all of us.  For every time one of us cried about what they called us.  For every time we buried someone we didn’t have to bury except for hatred and injustice.  For every time one of us cried for a god to step in and stop it – it’s finally happening.  People around the world are standing up, demanding justice, and […]

I Am Racist, and That’s a Good Place to Start

There is a fact I have always wanted to argue. I thought I was different from those other white men. If you just had let me explain, just let me tell you about me, me, me, then you would surely see the real truth for yourself, proven by my decades as an HIV/AIDS and LGBTQ activist. The truth, as it turns out and as it has always been, is that I am racist. It has been beyond question all along. None of us raised white in this country can escape the fact we benefit from this system and are socialized […]

Getting to Acceptance

Acceptance is an animal many transgender people struggle with all their lives. Several online groups help with this so much it’s unbelievable. However, even in these groups some can act as nasty toxic trolls who are not very accepting at times and they are even transgender. Maybe they are stuck in the anger stage of their own transition, who knows. One of my best friends, who is not transgender but is a true transgender ally, was attacked because of a comment she made. You see she has a transgender son and made a comment about coming to terms with her […]

Coming Out 100 Times

This past year I came out to my father over 100 times. My father is 92 and dementia has started setting in. Actually, he worked until he was 90 and physically, he is fine. But his short-term memory is really bad. I remember the first time I told him I was transgender; gosh it was really hard. I had so many emotions that overloaded me. I had already told my brothers and he was next in line. He is such a nice guy. After I told him he said he would keep it a secret and not tell my brothers […]

Tito and Hobbs Last Sunrise

Well I am not sure where to start. There is so much I want to say, and my thoughts are all over the place. It was right after hurricane Gustav when a dog showed up at our doorstep. He was kicked out of a truck at the edge of our property. The kids fell in love with him right away. I on the other hand, I told them no, “We can’t have a dog,” because I knew what it would take to keep him, and I shooed the dog away. Over the next few days or maybe a week the […]

Help at the Auto Store

So, I went to get brake pads for my car today. The woman helping said, “Can I help you ma’am?” I told her in a joking manner, “I needed my car to stop, so I guess I’m looking for brakes.” She thought I was being serious and after getting them, she asked if I had someone to change the pads for me. I said, “No I’m going to change them myself.” So, she got small tube of anti-squeak lube and told me exactly how to apply it on the brakes. She made sure I knew not to put it on […]

I Am Freaked Out and I Want My Mom

The first time it happened, a couple of weeks ago, I was waking up from a nap. My eyes were moist. The dream began to fade but the emotion lingered, and so did the central image. Mom was standing in the kitchen, looking at me fondly, saying something reassuring. It doesn’t matter what. It was Mom. She died three year ago. The memory of her aches. Especially now. Even though I keep saying I am fine during this isolation, even with the privileges I enjoy, the house and the stocked fridge and the attentive husband, my dreams know better. They tell […]