My Summer Body

This one makes me really nervous. Obviously this photo is intimate and sensual and I realize that’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea — especially not for folks who knew me in The Before Times™. I’ve been sort of tacitly dreading the day we’d get here because I feel like I’m at a real crossroads. For the last 30 years of my life I have hated this body with every fiber of who I am. It disgusted me to look at, let alone be trapped in. I spent 30 years living in that body and following unnatural and […]

Desperately Seeking Dazzle

(Or How I Got My Groove Back) Social isolation is hard. A few weeks ago I reached the point of full blown existential crisis. I had been alone for over a month and there wasn’t much positive news coming in. It was hard to imagine the world, and life, after the pandemic. Many of my plans have been derailed and, not knowing what the future holds, I was feeling lost and dismayed. It felt like life as I knew it was over and I didn’t know where or how I would fit into the new world. I was telling a […]

Generation “O”

Generation “O”, my definition for Generation “older”. To be an older gay male in today’s society and a double whammy, to be single, really sucks. No pun intended! How did we get to be where we are today and are we relics? How do we begin to date and be taken serious? When I was in my 30’s I thought I knew where I would be today in my early 60’s. Guess again. Life will throw you so many curve balls. I have people tell me, “You don’t look 62, I thought you were early 50’s” and it’s flattering because […]

Don’t Freedom Tread On Me

Two weeks ago, the county I live in still had a ban on most stays with the exception of providing safe shelter for essential worker wishing to minimize the risk of exposure to their loved ones. There were days without a single arrival, and while I enjoyed extra time at home to spend with my animals and accomplish a variety of home projects, I enjoyed that I felt safe at work. Both my parent company and my immediate supervisors have and still understand the balance between financial security and employee safety, and I do not take my fortune for granted. […]

Growing Into My Summer Skin — Exploring the Future One Moment at a Time.

One of the most amazing aspects of transition is the change in perspective it brings you. For so many trans people, pre-transition our futures were dark, vague, or missing entirely — a black spot where all of our hopes should be. The future looked like just another part of the prison sentence I was born into when I considered it at all. Most of the time I didn’t think about it. Nobody really prepares you for the shock of waking up one day and… you’re excited. And then the next day you’re excited. And you think about next week and […]

Sexuality and Open communication!

In my naiveté having tried dating sites a while ago at the recommendation of friends, it amazed me the number of gay men or closet cases who just wanted a quick hook up. The part that really fascinated me, and of course I did NOT meet any of these people since at the time was hoping to have met someone to actually date, were the number of seriously closeted straight men either married or in a relationship that wanted to experiment and fulfill a fantasy, or fetish or sexual need. I ended up doing more counseling with these men than […]

The Importance of Lilacs

The lilacs are blooming. I can smell them through the open windows, their scent wafting into my home on a warm, gentle breeze. It’s a beautiful day and somehow that just makes everything more surreal, more strange. The outside world is coming in and, in these days of lockdown and disinfectants, that’s a dangerous thing. I know that I’m being silly, know that coronavirus isn’t carried on the wind like a leaf or a bird. I know that I’ve taken appropriate safety measures, and I still worry that I’ll wake up with a sore throat, fatigue, and decreased senses of […]

Breaking Stigmas

Mental Health Awareness Month during a global pandemic is a quagmire. Even in 2020, the stigma surrounding Mental Health is so entrenched, research leaps from innocuous to half-truths and stereotypes with a single click in the wrong direction. Add the upheaval of every norm within our society, and the result is a population with higher numbers of anxiety, depression, and mental fatigue. Mental health and wellness is already a subject of concern for those who are queer; LGBTQ+ Americans face rates of mental illness twice those of their cis-hetero peers. With everyone struggling more than before, I think it is […]

Sealed Away: Back In the Closet

For nearly the last 10 days I have been in relative isolation as COVID—19starts its growth in the United States. The grocery stores have been sold out; businesses are closed. Social life in my city has more or less slowed to a crawl. Fear and apprehension lay like a blanket of tar across the city. Everyone is terrified, nobody is taking things seriously. Somehow these things are both true. My sole contact has been with my partner and with the world through digital means. With Trans Day of Visibility coming up on March31, what does it mean to be visible […]

The New Normal

Everything is weird now. Ever since the world went on lockdown, it feels almost as though we are suspended in time. We don’t know when restrictions will be lifted or what the world will be like once they are. There are countless variables and, as we’ve been learning, the stakes are high. For many folks I’ve been talking to, there’s a feeling that we’ve reached a point where lockdown and social distancing is the new normal and not just temporary measures to keep us safe. The past is gone, and the future has yet to arrive; all we have is […]