I Need a Break

My heart hurts and my head is tired. It has been a week, and in five days’ time when this releases; I am unable to hypothesize where my moods will be. Not simply that I cannot speculate how I will be feeling, but realistically I could not have guessed NASCAR siding with me before the author of my favorite series about magical children studying at an English boarding school as a real event happening in my life. In light of that reality becoming canon, I am leaving my prophesizing skills in the dust that will hopefully soon render this year […]

We Are Not Ready to Heal

I cancelled a Zoom meeting this afternoon. It was a 60-minute commitment that did not require me to wear pants or deodorant, or do anything other than clicking an application on my computer, and yet I woke up this morning and immediately knew I simply could not. Even before I regretted checking the latest round of “White America Debating Racism Today” on various social media platforms, I was already trying to sidestep the wall I had just slammed into face-first upon awaking. It is always exhausting being a minority in this country. Something about the whole stealing the continent from […]

Don’t Freedom Tread On Me

Two weeks ago, the county I live in still had a ban on most stays with the exception of providing safe shelter for essential worker wishing to minimize the risk of exposure to their loved ones. There were days without a single arrival, and while I enjoyed extra time at home to spend with my animals and accomplish a variety of home projects, I enjoyed that I felt safe at work. Both my parent company and my immediate supervisors have and still understand the balance between financial security and employee safety, and I do not take my fortune for granted. […]

Breaking Stigmas

Mental Health Awareness Month during a global pandemic is a quagmire. Even in 2020, the stigma surrounding Mental Health is so entrenched, research leaps from innocuous to half-truths and stereotypes with a single click in the wrong direction. Add the upheaval of every norm within our society, and the result is a population with higher numbers of anxiety, depression, and mental fatigue. Mental health and wellness is already a subject of concern for those who are queer; LGBTQ+ Americans face rates of mental illness twice those of their cis-hetero peers. With everyone struggling more than before, I think it is […]

The Humbling Tale of Lovesac

I have found myself with a sizeable uptick in the amount of couch time I have each week. The mental fatigue from existing at this current juncture has me spending more time mindlessly binging, or shooting my way through the Wolfenstein games while my wife visits islands on Animal Crossing. Even before this, our couches were on their last legs, figuratively, because they never sent the legs when we purchased them. All 80lbs of our dog lumbering on them day in and out, as well as never being the best in quality had worn the cushions down to thin, lumpy […]

Bicycling through the Aftertimes

Stephen Colbert phrased our current reality accurately when he referred to it as “The Aftertimes” this week. I am currently at work, for my first shift since Monday (today is Saturday) and I have one arrival to occupy the next seven hours and seventeen minutes. We finished Tiger King on Tuesday, and even with purchasing a membership for my Xbox that allows me to play over 100 games; I have begun to slip into a mind-melting boredom, and completely understand how people living alone during this are genuinely losing their sanity. So, I did what any sane and rational adult […]

Rise of the Digital Queerspace

The world feels weird, and I like everyone, am struggling to make sense of it. A week ago, more people clambered about whether our now reality was a pandemic or a panic, and when this prints in a week, who knows what normal will be. Being queer is a bag unto itself, but adding in quarantines, speculation and fear about our medical limits, and the collapse of the service, airline and hospitality industries-three industries that employ a vast majority of us- and it becomes quite easy to see why I have spent a lot of this week in my kitchen, […]

In Another Universe

It had been a rough first couple of months. Thanks to puberty blockers, my body had not had any hormones running rampant in two years, and when I started testosterone injections immediately following my 16th birthday, the mood swings and flares of anger caught me off guard. Being consciously aware of my height kept me from lashing out at the vocal bigots in the cafeteria, but I found myself storming into the stalls in the boys’ room on multiple occasions. I knew teen boys felt anger, having a brother 18 months younger than me had keyed me into that. But […]

The Gravity of Bullying

I wore an eye patch from third grade through sixth grade. I was the mixed-race tomboy with one eye. While my obvious differences rarely reared their ugly side in elementary school, they became my sole identifier by middle school. The first time I was called a homophobic slur was when I was referred to as a Pirate Dyke on the school bus. After my flute was stolen and thrown into the yard of an aggressive dog and the school deemed it not their problem, I changed bus stops, where I was pelted with rocks on my way home each day […]

A Reluctant Valentine’s Plan

The last time my wife and I had Valentine’s Day off together, Barack Obama was in the middle of his first term in office. She was a college freshman, and I was preparing to transfer after attending a community college while I cleared up an outstanding student loan balance from my time at Wesleyan. We had tickets to the professional orchestra that was housed at our university and made plans to go out for dinner after the concert. To top off our romantic evening, I bought us a bottle of Boone’s Farm; and we spent the rest of the night […]