In This Time And Place

I didn’t know what I was getting into, but I knew it wouldn’t be easy. Back in March, in what I’ve begun referring to as “The Before Times”, the idea of a lockdown wasn’t so bad. My two-and-a-half year tenure as my father’s caregiver had come to an abrupt end shortly before the new year. I was grieving and exhausted; I welcomed the opportunity to stay home and take care of myself. At first it wasn’t so bad. I thought of it like a snow day, a separate and almost surreal (in a good way) reality during an otherwise devastating […]

It’s Not About You

I did not get my break. I have one on the books for this month, but in actuality, work is the least of my stresses. At least when I am checking guests in I get a reprieve from social media, where I can watch the parents of my former classmates argue over whether or not I hypothetically deserve the right to exist, or bemoan restaurants and businesses that have the audacity to choose public safety over personal convenience. Moreover, while the lack of a clear defined and implemented effort to combat said virus seems to be coming from our esteemed […]

I Need a Break

My heart hurts and my head is tired. It has been a week, and in five days’ time when this releases; I am unable to hypothesize where my moods will be. Not simply that I cannot speculate how I will be feeling, but realistically I could not have guessed NASCAR siding with me before the author of my favorite series about magical children studying at an English boarding school as a real event happening in my life. In light of that reality becoming canon, I am leaving my prophesizing skills in the dust that will hopefully soon render this year […]

We Are Not Ready to Heal

I cancelled a Zoom meeting this afternoon. It was a 60-minute commitment that did not require me to wear pants or deodorant, or do anything other than clicking an application on my computer, and yet I woke up this morning and immediately knew I simply could not. Even before I regretted checking the latest round of “White America Debating Racism Today” on various social media platforms, I was already trying to sidestep the wall I had just slammed into face-first upon awaking. It is always exhausting being a minority in this country. Something about the whole stealing the continent from […]

My Summer Body

This one makes me really nervous. Obviously this photo is intimate and sensual and I realize that’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea — especially not for folks who knew me in The Before Times™. I’ve been sort of tacitly dreading the day we’d get here because I feel like I’m at a real crossroads. For the last 30 years of my life I have hated this body with every fiber of who I am. It disgusted me to look at, let alone be trapped in. I spent 30 years living in that body and following unnatural and […]

Desperately Seeking Dazzle

(Or How I Got My Groove Back) Social isolation is hard. A few weeks ago I reached the point of full blown existential crisis. I had been alone for over a month and there wasn’t much positive news coming in. It was hard to imagine the world, and life, after the pandemic. Many of my plans have been derailed and, not knowing what the future holds, I was feeling lost and dismayed. It felt like life as I knew it was over and I didn’t know where or how I would fit into the new world. I was telling a […]

Generation “O”

Generation “O”, my definition for Generation “older”. To be an older gay male in today’s society and a double whammy, to be single, really sucks. No pun intended! How did we get to be where we are today and are we relics? How do we begin to date and be taken serious? When I was in my 30’s I thought I knew where I would be today in my early 60’s. Guess again. Life will throw you so many curve balls. I have people tell me, “You don’t look 62, I thought you were early 50’s” and it’s flattering because […]

Don’t Freedom Tread On Me

Two weeks ago, the county I live in still had a ban on most stays with the exception of providing safe shelter for essential worker wishing to minimize the risk of exposure to their loved ones. There were days without a single arrival, and while I enjoyed extra time at home to spend with my animals and accomplish a variety of home projects, I enjoyed that I felt safe at work. Both my parent company and my immediate supervisors have and still understand the balance between financial security and employee safety, and I do not take my fortune for granted. […]

Growing Into My Summer Skin — Exploring the Future One Moment at a Time.

One of the most amazing aspects of transition is the change in perspective it brings you. For so many trans people, pre-transition our futures were dark, vague, or missing entirely — a black spot where all of our hopes should be. The future looked like just another part of the prison sentence I was born into when I considered it at all. Most of the time I didn’t think about it. Nobody really prepares you for the shock of waking up one day and… you’re excited. And then the next day you’re excited. And you think about next week and […]

Sexuality and Open communication!

In my naiveté having tried dating sites a while ago at the recommendation of friends, it amazed me the number of gay men or closet cases who just wanted a quick hook up. The part that really fascinated me, and of course I did NOT meet any of these people since at the time was hoping to have met someone to actually date, were the number of seriously closeted straight men either married or in a relationship that wanted to experiment and fulfill a fantasy, or fetish or sexual need. I ended up doing more counseling with these men than […]