“Game of Thrones.” Celebrity sightings. Emotional support flamingos! Laura Zequeira-Smith is 2019 Innkeeper of the Year and the general manager of the award-winning Alexander’s Guesthouse in the thick of Key West. Let’s rummage through her experiences for advice on some truly pressing guest matters.
Kevin Assam: My employee contract says no sleeping with guests. But what if I slept with a friend of a guest behind the Cuban food truck? Is that permissible?
Laura Zequeira-Smith: As fun as that sounds, we do not want our employees acting promiscuously with any guests or friends of guests. This is in keeping with the reputation of the guesthouse as an upscale establishment, but also protecting our employees from sexual harassment.
I’m a straight male but have the impression that a gay guesthouse is going to be more “loose” with romantic and sexy escapades. Is this true?
While some places may be geared towards being a little more sexually charged, Alexander’s is not. It is a mixed environment, which seems to reduce the sexual aspect and increase the friendship and community building aspect. At the guesthouse we nurture a friendly welcoming environment. This also sets the tone for being a place where friends meet friends.
I’m fairly certain my partner is having an affair with a boy toy while on vacation. He came home smelling like Axe body spray. Axe! He’s not a frat boy. How can I enlist the front desk agent where we’re staying to do some detective work?
Since we could be thrown in jail for giving away private info, whatever we know we take to the grave.
My husband injured his back trying to reenact a raunchy scene from “Game of Thrones.” He can no longer accompany us to our prepaid get away. Should I go alone or work with the guesthouse to recoup the costs?
We are always happy to work with you, but remember winter is coming and you may want to get the vacation in.
My emotional support animal is a flamingo but the staff at the guest house keep giving dirty looks and dirtier glassware. What gives?
The flamingo probably kept roaming around trying to be everyone’s emotional support animal. You have to keep all emotional support animals with you at all times, hence it being support.
I’ve accidentally locked myself out of my room after sunbathing nude on the deck. What’s the procedure here to alert staff without violating the clothing-only rules of the resort?
Pull a leaf off of a tree and make your way to the front desk.
I’m designing the uniforms for our new guesthouse and am worried that if I go with all white it won’t match the color of my employees’ souls – black. Help!
They all found Jesus so it’s a new day. White it is!
Should I be offended that my local bagel shop – and the lox is incredible – only flies the pride flag during pride as opposed to year round? The owners are uber lesbians.
Flying a flag is not the only way to show pride. It’s all in how they conduct business – equality, kindness, and a welcoming attitude to all. Attraction versus promotion.
It’s my first time at a gay guesthouse since coming out. How many leather panties and rainbow pasties do I need to pack? Will the concierge have a robust reserve?
While it is not required of course, these items definitely help one make more friends! The front desk can certainly send you in the right direction. Do you prefer leather or glitter?
I’m a member of a cult for equality. We routinely contact famously dead LGBTQ personalities via séances. What’s the typical policy for conducting this type of thing in my hotel room?
We’d like to join in! Just be sure to “sage” after.
I’ve spotted Sam Smith and a few other non-binary celebrities hanging by the pool at my guest house. What’s the etiquette on asking celebrities to autograph my chest? All we ask is that you keep it above the waist. We would ask all guests to give celebrities or any guest for that matter their space. Everyone needs a chance to relax