It seems Like to the left and to the right We are falling Like the leaves in autumn The brainwashed and fearful Deride our existence
As we quickly head toward parts unknown in this day and time, let’s remain in the moment. In this moment, we find a thousand ways to be distracted and confused. We find a multitude of ways to lament and despair but to also paradoxically, be thankful for being alive. At the onset, we knew that changes, in government or in society at large, would be jarring. There seems to be a confusion wrapped in obscure and malevolent tones. We seemed to be surrounded by clouds accompanied by bullies with perceived power, whose lies are wrapped in odd euphemisms. However, in […]
A funny thing happened on the way to freedom… resilience! Resilience, according to Google, is “the ability of a substance, object or [person] to spring back into shape.” It is apparent given today’s circumstance that trans folks are resilient and resisting systems of oppression.
Sexual orientation and gender identity are not mutually exclusive. Sexual orientation is who you are attract to, who you want to have sex with or be in love with. Gender identity is your internal sense of who you are – whether male, female, or anything, or nothing in between. So it amazes me that people do not think that there are gay or bisexual transmen. There is some thought that when people transition that there is some automatic attraction to the opposite gender or sex. That is so far from reality. The reality is that transguys have sexual attractions to […]
“I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” So reads Psalm 23, in part. Violence against black people, especially black men, continues unabated. We are living in crazy times. There appears to be heighten racial tensions with a candidate of a major party courting the white supremacist vote and giving voice to the KKK. And as we see extrajudicial killings of black men and women on social media, the angst and anxiety of many black men grows. As a black trans man, I must say we are included in that number among the […]
Transition is different for all. No one person’s transition is the blueprint or rule for all. Just like there are no two roses which are exactly alike, there is no real stock narrative regarding gender/sex transition and reassignment.
A curious thing happened on the way to freedom: encountering deep learning curves in socialization. As a black man of transgender experience in America, I have had to quickly learn survival and social skills necessary to stay alive as a black man in America.
I can be a person of great extremes. I either have long dreads, a head full of hair, or no hair at all. I am not a gray person at all. My philosophy has been “Pick a side.” So with this, it’s no surprise that in order to remain in the closet, I picked an extreme philosophy to mirror the revulsion I had for my own gender dysphoria.
I was never what the doctor said I was. I realized this as I processed my decision to walk authentically in this life. Assumptions were made because of what my body looked like to deem me female, with all the associated cultural trappings. But what this designation gave rise to was years of self-doubt and loathing, years of confusion and misplacement. I never fit into the category of girl and I could not explain why. Hence I prayed for a life of congruence which led me to seek help for my feelings of being lost, confused, and full of self-doubt.
Dearest Family, It’s been a long time since we had a conversation. There have been many milestones reached and setbacka felt. But still we are here, living, at least – in a time of monumental change, with uncertainty for sure and a sliver of hope. And yet I hang onto this sliver with great fervor and promise because I know that the only constant in life is change.