“Qmitch” Jones has taken his outrageous wit from the south to the southernmost end of the country. This North Carolina native has raised over $500,000 throughout South Florida for LGBTQ related causes by capturing titles including Key West Queen Mother 34 and Fantasy Fest Duchess. With 30 years in the aviation industry and over ten years performing drag, he knows how to pack a feathered boa in that carry-on. Let’s see how else he can enlighten us.
Kevin Assam: What is the concept of glory hole bingo and is it something I can rope my heterosexual husband into?
Qmitch Jones: Let’s talk glory holes. Ooh glory hole BINGO! The plywood love palace or the inside square. It’s just something to swap recipes through before Grindr nailed them shut.
I want to be the first semi-professional drag queen to run for the position of mayor. How do I tempt older socially conservative Pink Flamingo hating community members to support me?
Pray, be fair, and just be honest. When the right person is right, people will vote for the right person. Pink, gay, black, or straight.
What’s the gayest thing someone has ever done checking into their continental flight?
Well hitting on me is pretty gay but when your wife is right there, come on!
I’m tired of other drag queens at work using my brushes, sponges, and leg shavers. How should I handle this?
Oh Lord, give them a gift card to Dollar Tree and suggest they see a doctor because you don’t know where that rash came from.
Strategies! My layovers are too long to warrant a drinking binge but too short to venture outside. What can I do to better connect with the single queers working the pretzel stand?
Easy one. Politely ask where is the nearest glory hole and hint it might be time for a smoke break. Just really be in it for the pretzel nuts.
Are Northern queers or Southern queers more judging on the dance floor?
Southern queers are the end-all-be-all of everything. We can build you up and cut you down with a smile and a glass of sweet tea, bless your heart!
What’s the best way to have my son practice wearing heels? He’s has a slight limp.
Another classic question. Always clean the house in heels. Vacuum. Dust. Cook. Sleep.
How should I appropriately disguise my adult toys in my carry on luggage?
Disguise? The TSA finds them … in your bag or up your butt.
What is the most important rule regarding anal beads?
Count them going in so you can count them coming out.
Why does it cost some drag queens so much money to look so cheap?
I ain’t even got to say it. Dolly Parton says it best: “It cost a lot of money to look this cheap.” Again, money can’t buy talent, beauty, or taste.
What’s the verdict on Cardi B?
Is it taboo or financially savvy to recycle my homophobic grandmother’s engagement ring?
Grave digger. Recycling it into a cock ring would be fabu taboo.
What’s the most appropriate floral arrangement to say, “Sorry to hear about your yeast infection?”
Flowers are appropriate for every occasion – congratulations on your ability to tip more than 15%, congratulations on your ability to smell your own BO. Yeast infections? Now that’s just too much.
Do we have a better shot at putting a drag queen or a straight male flight attendant in the White House?
President and vice president. Total ticket. Just vote blue.
Is revenge a dish best served hot or cold in instances of threesomes gone awry?
Buffet style and over time. I have waited years for a good revenge plot. Ooh, hot!