Getting to Acceptance

Acceptance is an animal many transgender people struggle with all their lives. Several online groups help with this so much it’s unbelievable. However, even in these groups some can act as nasty toxic trolls who are not very accepting at times and they are even transgender. Maybe they are stuck in the anger stage of their own transition, who knows. One of my best friends, who is not transgender but is a true transgender ally, was attacked because of a comment she made. You see she has a transgender son and made a comment about coming to terms with her […]

Coming Out 100 Times

This past year I came out to my father over 100 times. My father is 92 and dementia has started setting in. Actually, he worked until he was 90 and physically, he is fine. But his short-term memory is really bad. I remember the first time I told him I was transgender; gosh it was really hard. I had so many emotions that overloaded me. I had already told my brothers and he was next in line. He is such a nice guy. After I told him he said he would keep it a secret and not tell my brothers […]

Tito and Hobbs Last Sunrise

Well I am not sure where to start. There is so much I want to say, and my thoughts are all over the place. It was right after hurricane Gustav when a dog showed up at our doorstep. He was kicked out of a truck at the edge of our property. The kids fell in love with him right away. I on the other hand, I told them no, “We can’t have a dog,” because I knew what it would take to keep him, and I shooed the dog away. Over the next few days or maybe a week the […]

Help at the Auto Store

So, I went to get brake pads for my car today. The woman helping said, “Can I help you ma’am?” I told her in a joking manner, “I needed my car to stop, so I guess I’m looking for brakes.” She thought I was being serious and after getting them, she asked if I had someone to change the pads for me. I said, “No I’m going to change them myself.” So, she got small tube of anti-squeak lube and told me exactly how to apply it on the brakes. She made sure I knew not to put it on […]

Second Dance with Alcohol

It looks like I’ve started a second dance with alcohol. I guess I need to tell you about my first time. Many transgender people try to mask their pain, I am no exception. I started slow, like many, I would have a drink or two at night before going to bed. However, after a while that one or two turned into four or five tumblers or rum with a splash of diet coke. Before I knew it, I was drinking about a gallon of rum a week. That’s about ¾ a bottle a night. I got so use to it […]

Why Am I Transgender

Wow what a question. I have been trying to answer this question over the last couple of decades and even more recently the last several years of therapy. I don’t know if I will ever be able to answer this. Is it because my mother told me she wishes I was a girl at the age of 4 or 5? Or did she know I was supposed to be a girl from the start. How does nature/nurture play into this question? They say that the fetus is bathed in hormones or testosterone at different stages of uterine development. This gives […]

Deep Thoughts

This was a very hard and yet very fulfilling day for me. In this picture I helped my oldest son (not pictured) on a movie project of his. The movie was a transgender story called, “I Am A Girl.” One of my sons’ best friends was transgender. They wrote a transgender story about coming out. The picture above is me doing what is called focus pulling. My job is to keep the picture in focus. This shoot was very hard on me in many ways, yet it was so rewarding in others. As you can see here, I was presenting […]

Finding My Voice

They say sometimes your passion finds you. In a spontaneous one-word outburst in rehearsal last night, I may have found mine. At the end of the play Trans Scripts that Im in currently, we are to call out names of transgender woman. Then it hit me. I yelled at the top of my lungs, Emma. My emotions flooded my senses. I could no longer hold back the last year and a half of tears Id held in. I broke down, cried. It was so intense that I had to find a quiet corner. When I reached the isolated area, I […]

What is Love?

So, for Valentine’s Day, I will try to answer a simple question. What is love? Everyone has their own idea but not all people will see it the same. To me there are different types of love: such as puppy love (crush, infatuation, the hots) parental love (father, mother, brother, sisters) love of community (feeling of belonging) love of life spousal love self-love (many trans people struggle with this one, I did) and (the crown jewel), true love. In movies and TV, we see romantic passionate love. Is that really love? What is the difference between having the hots for […]

Am I Trans Enough?

Am I trans enough? Sometimes acceptance even in our own community sucks! We tend to put each other down without any basis. So, what is transgender enough? I think about my own transition, when did I become transgender enough? Was it when I first started to wonder if I am transgender? Was that the point where I was transgender enough? This lasted about five years or so. When I first started dressing as female at home by myself? Is it the first time I took supplements to start to change my body? The first time I went out of the […]