Less Sex?

Have you seen the recent studies and statistics about teenagers and young adults having less sex? Given the options of birth control, greater freedom of expression of sexuality, and even low pregnancy and STD rates, not to mention all the dating and hookup sites, shouldn’t we be seeing an increase in sex? Young adults are reported to have fewer partners than the two generations before. Teenager abstinence seems to be rampant along with less sex by Gen Xers and Baby Boomers. It is true that fewer people are marrying and those who do, marry later. Many couples cohabitate without involving […]

When Do You Leave an Argument?

So if you are discussing and then arguing about an issue or a conflict, what is your usual modus operandi? Do you get quiet and withdraw? Do you engage fully, and the discourse goes on for a while before the other party leaves? Do you follow each other from one room to another still angry? Or do you call a timeout and drop it altogether? It is impossible to be alive and not to have disagreements and conflicts with other people, especially with those we care about. So how we handle those make a difference in the quality of our […]

Elections and Friendships

When you are reading this, it will be ten days before the midterm elections. Whichever party you affiliate with, or even none, the last several months have seen social media, print media and our TV screens full of references to the “most important election in our lifetime.” I hear from my friends and patients that friendships and relationships are affected by the political atmosphere to an incredible extent. So how are you dealing with it? Friends have declared that a person supporting the “other” party is a deal breaker for dating. Couples have ended up with horrible arguments. Families have […]

Living with Anxiety

You know that feeling of butterflies in the stomach, being out of sorts, shaky, not able to focus on what you have to do but your mind worrying, worrying about all kinds of things? Sometimes it can immobilize you, because of fear about what might happen. At times, it could be that you are ruminating and thinking of what the partner may be up to … Is he or she thinking of leaving the relationship? Or falling in love with someone else? What anxiety signifies is the mind sensing a threat, an arrow aimed at you, your sense of self, […]

Do You Keep Seeking Greener Grass ?

Swipe left, swipe right! In the age of social media and online dating, do we keep looking for the better deal? Too fast and easy to go on to the next one, in the hope that it will be better than the last one. Not to mention the fact that we have been trained to expect immediate feedback. In the old days, if you wanted to contact someone, you had to be home to use the phone, and then, if busy or no answer, you didn’t think they were avoiding you and you tried again. Now, if a text or […]

Are You Expecting Too Much ?

Have you wondered about whether your expectations of the relationship are too high? Or maybe too low? Gone are the days of previous generations when roles of partners were clearly defined with rigid expectations. Today we enjoy the equality standards despite the fact that there still are many people and locations where the old norms survive. I want to touch on how our expectations, along with the loosening of roles, have undergone changes that at times make it more difficult to maintain the relationship. So, when you meet someone who lights your fire, one of the important elements of a […]

Can You Mend This Relationship?

In a lifetime, we all have several relationships and partnerships. Some we choose to leave; for some, the choice is made by the other. In either case, the end of what most often started with good intentions and excitement means a sense of loss leaving a hole, whether small or large. At times, one has a sense of relief that the misery is no longer on the radar screen. But even then, there is some leftover emotional upheaval. Then, too, we may have tried to stick it out, to put up with what didn’t make us happy in the hopes […]

Relationship Expertise

What does your resume show? If you’re an employer and see that an applicant for an IT job has worked at one position for five years, is that a positive? If you see that the person has been at Google for four years and at LeggMason for five, does it add to the qualifications? This is a definite generalization but often, t, the sentiment goes the other way: A relationship failure! How does one learn what makes for a strong and healthy relationship? The self-help industry in all aspects of media makes a mint telling us how to, what to […]

Anxiety in a Relationship

Every human being – and animals, too – experience anxiety. It is the physiology’s method of notifying that there is some perceived danger to the survival. While centuries ago it may have been seeing a wild beast that evoked this response, in today’s world, it is usually some kind of threat that we see to our psychic self. A critical remark, a challenging response, or a disapproving look can touch that nerve. Then there are differences in temperament that bring anxiety into the world of the two people. John is always on time or even early. Ted is typically 30 […]

Relationships: Can They Survive Political Disagreements?

Have you seen the many defriending and blocking of friends that has taken place in the recent past? Add to that warnings of not to discuss anything political prior to family dinners, celebrations, occasions, and parties, and one gets a discouraging picture of the polarization and tribalism in the US and maybe, all over the world. I don’t want to get into how and why this is happening, but to delve into how we can deal with it without offending our loved ones and creating discord in our relationships. There is no doubt that we all acknowledge there will be […]