Who, Me? Entitled?

One of the issues that emerge in human interactions is what is called a sense of entitlement. How do we define and detect this? If you have ever felt like someone is bearing down on you with their needs, wants, and demands, you know what it feels like. The question that pops into one’s mind is: Why does this person feel they are entitled to this privilege or satisfaction of what they want? Why is it my duty to keep them satisfied regardless of what I want? This becomes a destructive factor in a relationship if the demands are going […]

Me – Past and Present

These days, we hear a lot about what politicians said or did a number of years ago. That got me thinking about how we can look back at past relationships and see if we handled them any differently than what we would do today. I remember at one time, going through the old books (!), I realized that in all relationships, I had been the one to leave or to end the connection. Some food for thought there for me …. So what about you? Have you had long-term affairs? Mostly short-term? What works for you and what doesn’t? Ideally, […]

Self-Interest in Relationships

For each of us as individuals, self-interest is a central issue. The roots of this fact go to the need for survival. Back in the old days of wild animals and a threatening and uncontrollable nature, the human brain had to provide the internal guidance to be safe, so it was wired to watch out for what would ensure one’s survival, at times at the expense of others. So how would this tendency work in a relationship? If each person looks out for his/hers truly, how does the relationship bloom? By definition, a relationship is an emotional or other connection […]

Win-Win? … Or win-lose?

We live in a culture – and indeed in a world – where the attitude is that if I win, you lose, or if you win, I am condemned to lose. And of course, losing has a negative connotation. How does that work in a relationship? Or even in any human interaction? Do you look to see who is right? Is it more important to you to be right at the expense of your connection to another person? I come upon many people who say that their partners never admit to being wrong, or never apologize, taking responsibility for their […]

Chemistry – the Elixir

You know that high, unbelievably energizing feeling of being drawn to another person? Not easily analyzed, or explained, but delicious nonetheless? It is what we all call chemistry, and it is how connections originate, whether short-lived or long-term. In all the years of working with people in relationships, I have come to be privy to how they met, what it was like to be drawn to others, and how then a connection gets stronger or fizzles out. Sometimes the fizzle takes years, but still, other factors keep people together. The bottom line is that we all want that emotional connection, […]

Self-Talk is Your Friend

Our minds do not like to be idle or shut down. If you have tried to relax, meditate or just push the off-button to go to sleep, you have experienced the frustration in this. In fact, worrying per say is an activity that keeps it occupied, adding more angst to the whole process. To be sure, all brain activity does not produce what we don’t want to acknowledge: It also leads to solving problems, creativity, introspection and greater insight into ourselves, all needed for healthy lives. The self-talk I want to focus on is the negative kind that is not […]

Living a Less Than Perfect Life

Imagine yourself maybe 10 to 15 years ago. Even five years will do it. Did you think your life today would be the way it is? If you had set goals back then, are they a reality or on the way to be so? Or have they evolved or changed completely? Are you where you thought you would be? We not only change within, in terms of values, beliefs and expectations, but there are external changes in the culture, the society and the world and they all affect our lives in one way or another. Who could’ve predicted that both […]

Living Alone

I am old enough to remember that once upon a time, a man – or heaven forbid, a woman – living alone was frowned upon. There were all kinds of explanations or rumors as to why they may be doing so. We now know that there are millions of people in this country and elsewhere who choose to live by themselves and enjoy every minute of it. There are also those who for different reasons end up in the same lifestyle but are not happy about it. It definitely creates much consternation when one does not have a choice in […]

Making a Relationship Work

Everyones’ lives are affected by the connections we make, whether they are friendships, relationships, partnerships, or acquaintances. Human beings are not in a balanced state when there is conflict, so we look to make those connections harmonious. The question of “making them work” on the one hand sounds right, but on the other, it simplifies it to some kind of a mechanical endeavor. Add some WD-40? Smooth the edges with a file? If only we were so uncomplicated … Take two or more individuals who have grown up in different environments and families, throw them together and expect that all […]

Apology Needed?

When is it comfortable for you to apologize? Or are you one who never uses this form of communication? Do you think you are never wrong? Or are you the one who apologizes at every turn? Humans being the imperfect creatures that we are, we all make mistakes that unintentionally offend others, cause hurt feelings that may trigger anger and resentment. Some of us internalize these and then the negativity festers. Others express the reaction and may engender further conflict. In a relationship, these kind of interactions can lead to a healthy resolution and consequently, to growth, but it is […]