Win-Win? … Or win-lose?

We live in a culture – and indeed in a world – where the attitude is that if I win, you lose, or if you win, I am condemned to lose. And of course, losing has a negative connotation. How does that work in a relationship? Or even in any human interaction? Do you look to see who is right? Is it more important to you to be right at the expense of your connection to another person? I come upon many people who say that their partners never admit to being wrong, or never apologize, taking responsibility for their […]

Chemistry – the Elixir

You know that high, unbelievably energizing feeling of being drawn to another person? Not easily analyzed, or explained, but delicious nonetheless? It is what we all call chemistry, and it is how connections originate, whether short-lived or long-term. In all the years of working with people in relationships, I have come to be privy to how they met, what it was like to be drawn to others, and how then a connection gets stronger or fizzles out. Sometimes the fizzle takes years, but still, other factors keep people together. The bottom line is that we all want that emotional connection, […]

Self-Talk is Your Friend

Our minds do not like to be idle or shut down. If you have tried to relax, meditate or just push the off-button to go to sleep, you have experienced the frustration in this. In fact, worrying per say is an activity that keeps it occupied, adding more angst to the whole process. To be sure, all brain activity does not produce what we don’t want to acknowledge: It also leads to solving problems, creativity, introspection and greater insight into ourselves, all needed for healthy lives. The self-talk I want to focus on is the negative kind that is not […]

Living a Less Than Perfect Life

Imagine yourself maybe 10 to 15 years ago. Even five years will do it. Did you think your life today would be the way it is? If you had set goals back then, are they a reality or on the way to be so? Or have they evolved or changed completely? Are you where you thought you would be? We not only change within, in terms of values, beliefs and expectations, but there are external changes in the culture, the society and the world and they all affect our lives in one way or another. Who could’ve predicted that both […]

Living Alone

I am old enough to remember that once upon a time, a man – or heaven forbid, a woman – living alone was frowned upon. There were all kinds of explanations or rumors as to why they may be doing so. We now know that there are millions of people in this country and elsewhere who choose to live by themselves and enjoy every minute of it. There are also those who for different reasons end up in the same lifestyle but are not happy about it. It definitely creates much consternation when one does not have a choice in […]

Making a Relationship Work

Everyones’ lives are affected by the connections we make, whether they are friendships, relationships, partnerships, or acquaintances. Human beings are not in a balanced state when there is conflict, so we look to make those connections harmonious. The question of “making them work” on the one hand sounds right, but on the other, it simplifies it to some kind of a mechanical endeavor. Add some WD-40? Smooth the edges with a file? If only we were so uncomplicated … Take two or more individuals who have grown up in different environments and families, throw them together and expect that all […]

Apology Needed?

When is it comfortable for you to apologize? Or are you one who never uses this form of communication? Do you think you are never wrong? Or are you the one who apologizes at every turn? Humans being the imperfect creatures that we are, we all make mistakes that unintentionally offend others, cause hurt feelings that may trigger anger and resentment. Some of us internalize these and then the negativity festers. Others express the reaction and may engender further conflict. In a relationship, these kind of interactions can lead to a healthy resolution and consequently, to growth, but it is […]

Passion or Obsession?

What is that dividing line between passion and obsession? In the news was the breaking and entering of a man, a stalker, of Taylor Swift’s apartment and this for the third time. He was arrested and of course, this is a crime. But there are those who are so passionate about a hobby, an activity or an item that it may be hard not to label it an obsession. And it will affect any relationship. The dictionary defines passion as: a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything; and obsession as: the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings […]

Why Isn’t it All About Me?

Have you ever been told: You know, it is not all about you! Or maybe you uttered those words of dissatisfaction yourself as to how a conflict is being discussed. Taking things personally is a cognitive error we all make at different times, because everyone has a pool of insecurity, some more than others. If I tell you I just fell and broke my arm, and you proceed to elaborate on that time when your leg was shattered in three places, you are not listening and only relating the event to yourself. Ergo, it is all about me! When we […]

Love Online

Have you met your soulmate? That is, if you believe in that concept. Or, how do you meet potential partners? Once upon a time, there were matchmakers, good-intentioned family members, friends, and then it became bars, school or college, and even the workplace with its own set of issues. Check this statistic out: “In 2017, 39% of US heterosexual relationships and 65% of same-sex relationships began online.” (Tinyurl.com/yxb4abuv) This can’t be surprising given the length of time we spend in cyberworld. When I see the number of hours I personally devote to online usage, I am amazed. But then why […]