Living with Anxiety

You know that feeling of butterflies in the stomach, being out of sorts, shaky, not able to focus on what you have to do but your mind worrying, worrying about all kinds of things? Sometimes it can immobilize you, because of fear about what might happen. At times, it could be that you are ruminating and thinking of what the partner may be up to … Is he or she thinking of leaving the relationship? Or falling in love with someone else? What anxiety signifies is the mind sensing a threat, an arrow aimed at you, your sense of self, […]

Do You Keep Seeking Greener Grass ?

Swipe left, swipe right! In the age of social media and online dating, do we keep looking for the better deal? Too fast and easy to go on to the next one, in the hope that it will be better than the last one. Not to mention the fact that we have been trained to expect immediate feedback. In the old days, if you wanted to contact someone, you had to be home to use the phone, and then, if busy or no answer, you didn’t think they were avoiding you and you tried again. Now, if a text or […]

Are You Expecting Too Much ?

Have you wondered about whether your expectations of the relationship are too high? Or maybe too low? Gone are the days of previous generations when roles of partners were clearly defined with rigid expectations. Today we enjoy the equality standards despite the fact that there still are many people and locations where the old norms survive. I want to touch on how our expectations, along with the loosening of roles, have undergone changes that at times make it more difficult to maintain the relationship. So, when you meet someone who lights your fire, one of the important elements of a […]

Can You Mend This Relationship?

In a lifetime, we all have several relationships and partnerships. Some we choose to leave; for some, the choice is made by the other. In either case, the end of what most often started with good intentions and excitement means a sense of loss leaving a hole, whether small or large. At times, one has a sense of relief that the misery is no longer on the radar screen. But even then, there is some leftover emotional upheaval. Then, too, we may have tried to stick it out, to put up with what didn’t make us happy in the hopes […]

Relationship Expertise

What does your resume show? If you’re an employer and see that an applicant for an IT job has worked at one position for five years, is that a positive? If you see that the person has been at Google for four years and at LeggMason for five, does it add to the qualifications? This is a definite generalization but often, t, the sentiment goes the other way: A relationship failure! How does one learn what makes for a strong and healthy relationship? The self-help industry in all aspects of media makes a mint telling us how to, what to […]

Anxiety in a Relationship

Every human being – and animals, too – experience anxiety. It is the physiology’s method of notifying that there is some perceived danger to the survival. While centuries ago it may have been seeing a wild beast that evoked this response, in today’s world, it is usually some kind of threat that we see to our psychic self. A critical remark, a challenging response, or a disapproving look can touch that nerve. Then there are differences in temperament that bring anxiety into the world of the two people. John is always on time or even early. Ted is typically 30 […]

Relationships: Can They Survive Political Disagreements?

Have you seen the many defriending and blocking of friends that has taken place in the recent past? Add to that warnings of not to discuss anything political prior to family dinners, celebrations, occasions, and parties, and one gets a discouraging picture of the polarization and tribalism in the US and maybe, all over the world. I don’t want to get into how and why this is happening, but to delve into how we can deal with it without offending our loved ones and creating discord in our relationships. There is no doubt that we all acknowledge there will be […]

Relationship Builder: Positive Mood

There are many self-help books on how to improve your relationships, love life, or friendships. Let’s take a look at what we can do for ourselves because how we feel definitely affects those in our lives. I just listened to a couple who realized that some mornings, one of them got up in a foul mood and then the whole day went downhill for both of them because the other person resented having to deal with this which he saw as no fault of his own. So how was the first person dealing with his negative mood? According to psychologist […]

Relationship Buster: Egocentric Bias

Do you know a person who thinks everything that goes on around them is about them? Or is it possible you are one? This is the trait referred to as “egocentric bias” when we feel the world revolves around us, so we take responsibility for it all. Not in the positive sense of owning our role in it but in a way that refers all events personally to us. If when you tell your friend or partner that you are getting a promotion, their response is to tell you they are also scheduled for one or the last time they […]

Security or Adventure?

Human beings have contradictory needs and wants. It’s our task to reconcile these, so we can lessen conflicts within ourselves and with others. A long time ago, it occurred to me that I could not eat everything I wanted and look the way I wanted. What to do? The child wants it all and does not want denials or boundaries. Hopefully, by adulthood, we start to accept that we have to make choices. This issue is so crucial in our relationships. Think of when you first met your beloved. The stars in the eyes, the strong chemistry, the connection that […]