Star Bucks

There has been a lot of ads that feature transgender people lately. It’s really nice when they do it right. The latest is a Star Bucks ad where we see a transman who is called by his given name. This is how others have seen him however, this is not how he sees himself. At the end, we see what he calls himself, maybe for even the first time. I was simply beautiful. If you have never agonized over something like this, it could be very hard to understand, and the subtleties are quite pronounced. I remember many years ago […]

Why Am I Transgender

Wow what a question. I have been trying to answer this question over the last couple of decades and even more recently the last several years of therapy. I don’t know if I will ever be able to answer this. Is it because my mother told me she wishes I was a girl at the age of 4 or 5? Or did she know I was supposed to be a girl from the start. How does nature/nurture play into this question? They say that the fetus is bathed in hormones or testosterone at different stages of uterine development. This gives […]

Deep Thoughts

This was a very hard and yet very fulfilling day for me. In this picture I helped my oldest son (not pictured) on a movie project of his. The movie was a transgender story called, “I Am A Girl.” One of my sons’ best friends was transgender. They wrote a transgender story about coming out. The picture above is me doing what is called focus pulling. My job is to keep the picture in focus. This shoot was very hard on me in many ways, yet it was so rewarding in others. As you can see here, I was presenting […]

Finding My Voice

They say sometimes your passion finds you. In a spontaneous one-word outburst in rehearsal last night, I may have found mine. At the end of the play Trans Scripts that Im in currently, we are to call out names of transgender woman. Then it hit me. I yelled at the top of my lungs, Emma. My emotions flooded my senses. I could no longer hold back the last year and a half of tears Id held in. I broke down, cried. It was so intense that I had to find a quiet corner. When I reached the isolated area, I […]

What is Love?

So, for Valentine’s Day, I will try to answer a simple question. What is love? Everyone has their own idea but not all people will see it the same. To me there are different types of love: such as puppy love (crush, infatuation, the hots) parental love (father, mother, brother, sisters) love of community (feeling of belonging) love of life spousal love self-love (many trans people struggle with this one, I did) and (the crown jewel), true love. In movies and TV, we see romantic passionate love. Is that really love? What is the difference between having the hots for […]

Am I Trans Enough?

Am I trans enough? Sometimes acceptance even in our own community sucks! We tend to put each other down without any basis. So, what is transgender enough? I think about my own transition, when did I become transgender enough? Was it when I first started to wonder if I am transgender? Was that the point where I was transgender enough? This lasted about five years or so. When I first started dressing as female at home by myself? Is it the first time I took supplements to start to change my body? The first time I went out of the […]

The World is Changing

However, we are making strides – like on NBC, their Wednesday night, prime time, biggest show, they had a story line of a transgender female. I hope some of y’all saw me on Chicago Med season five, episode six. I was honored to be able to help tell one of our stories. I struggled with accepting who I was for many years. I was ashamed – even embarrassed – about who I was. It wasn’t until a series of family tragedies before I could embrace who I was. Five years ago, my mother and brother died on the same weekend. […]

A Year of Firsts

Wow, what a ride! 2019 was a year of firsts for me. It was filled with triumphs, and considering where I was just a year earlier, these past 12 months were absolutely amazing. Let’s start where I was in January 2018. You see, I was at the end of the throes of a super deep depression. I mean, I was just getting off the precipice I’d stood on for a couple of years. You know, that place above the tenth floor of any high-rise building. I was ending a relationship of flirting with suicide, but it was still flirting back. […]