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Thursday, June 23, 2016

Barb's Lasting Lesbian Love Quest

Written by  Barb Elgin

Online Dating Tips–Part I

As promised, in today’s article (and in future articles) I will be writing about my adventures seeking lasting lesbian love via online dating. I will share my adventures and observations just to have some fun and to offer you some potentially useful ideas and cheerleading for those taking (or wanting to) the plunge!

I’ve begun my quest by using a popular online dating site. As a busy professional, it’s a convenient way to connect with other single women. I am happy to report that I am moving forward in my online conversations on this site and hope to have an in-person coffee date or two soon.

Most of all – and this is important for you to remember too – I want to enjoy the process. If I start to make it “like work” then, that’s not healthy for me. I am not in a contest or a rush to find someone. Those of you who have followed me over the years know that I’ve learned to live a happily single life and, as I said in my last article here, I envision a relationship becoming the “cherry on top of my sundae.”

Here are two great tips while you warm up to the online dating site(s) you are using...

#1 HOT TIP: It’s perilous to view online dating profiles as gospel! Online dating profiles are not much more reliable than meeting someone for the first time at a bar or event. Everyone is on their best behavior! Yes, it’s true. Dating profiles are full of inaccuracies and things people don’t say, so be wary of placing too much emphasis on finding a “perfect match” as you search. The other side of this then is being willing to widen who you will get out there to meet in person.

Keep in mind: most if not all online dating profiles are “self reported,” meaning we are to some degree relying on the accuracy of the online dater. Even if the online dating company uses a so-called “sophisticated algorithm” or “methods created by psychologists,” putting yourself out there on a dating site is usually very similar to primping yourself up before you head out to the singles event. Your potential dates are doing the same thing, so let’s stop putting so much value on these profiles, including criticizing others for “trying to look or sound” better than they are. We are all doing the same thing!

#2 – Widen the age range you will accept (just a bit) – Consider the age range you are searching on. Is it too narrow? I just turned 55. Initially I went with ages 50-65 but I then moved it just five years down from 45-65. That has made an appreciable difference! There is a part of me saying “45-year-old women won’t be interested in you Barb.” But I answer that with my experience on the site: I am noticing some women that age are looking for women my age – at least it says so in their age range selected.

There is also the suggestion to widen your age frame even more, to make friends who then might know women to introduce you to for dating. I saw one attractive 50-something woman today whose profile says “open to meeting women 35-85 for dating and new friends.” Well, that may be a bit dicier, if you are wanting to narrow and focus your search in the short term, but if you are in no rush, that could work for you too.

Okay, so that’s enough for now. I’ll be back soon with more online dating tips, including how to be choosy in moderation! In the meantime, have fun and be safe out there.


Barb Elgin, MSW, is a Certified Singles Coach who has been coaching and counseling single, dating, and coupled lesbians for over 25 years. If you’re interested in connecting with other women-who-love-women in healthy social and travel environments that combine fun and learning, join Barb’s complimentary email list here: Lastinglesbianlove.com/lesbian-social-and-travel-with-heart.

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